Albuquerque City Councilor Don Harris is a Fucking Idiot

This is City Councilor Don Harris from District 9 of Albuquerque.  District 9 is roughly East of Eubank and South of Menaul and Indian School.  If you live there, let me tell you how sorry I am that you get to be represented by this moron.  According to this weeks edition of The Alibi's Council Bite, Don here doesn't believe in Climate Change or Global Warming.  

What the fuck?  Mother fucker, it's two thousand-fucking-nine.  Maybe you could get away with that shit in 1993, or even 2004, but when EVERY SCIENTIST AND EVERYONE WITH A WORKING CEREBRAL CORTEX has figured out that that human activity is affecting the Earth's climate.  Fuck, dude, Richard Nixon even signed environmental legislation and that guy was waaaaaay more of an asshole than I think you are.

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change and the Environmental Protection Agency have both acknowledged that Global Warming is real.  Only Sarah Palin and ex-Entertainment Tonight hosts still try to say that it is make believe.  You don't want to be compared to Sarah Palin, do you?  How fucking far in the past is our dear City Councilor?  I hope he's also not one of those fuckers that thinks the Earth is 6,000 years old and that dinosaur bones were only put on Earth to test our faith.

So, Don, I think its time you get with the fucking program.  Albuquerque is in a good spot to really get on the front lines of this whole Green Economy.  We got a metric shit ton of sun, wind and federal laboratories in this state.  If you fuck this up for all of us, we won't just be a high desert anymore.  We'll be a vast wasteland that only Mel Gibson and his band of under dressed child minions will be able to traverse.  Quit being an idiot, and make my town more energy efficient.

-

CJ

An open letter to Megin Taylor...

Fuck you. We do not like living out of our cars and friend's apartments because you don't know what responsibility is. Fuck off and if you come within 5 miles of any of us, we will stab you.

Love,

CJ, Pickett, Chris Romero, Armani, and Aaron Romero

The Revolution will not be Punch Free

Things that will change when we're in charge...

1. Everyone who makes more money than a teacher will be forced to wear a dinosaur costume to work with the following exceptions- soccer and hockey players. The idea of people playing every other sport dressed as a Big Foot or Sharp Tooth is too awesome.

2. A new national anthem will be written and preformed by the Wu-Tang Clan. It will be nothing to fuck with.

3. The budget will be rearranged so that the amount we spend on the military will be switched with how much the US National Soccer Team gets.

4. Public Transportation will now consist of a hybrid bus/tank that is allowed to run over all cars on the road. It will be free and have a bike rack.

5. Dance parties will be outlawed.

6. The price of all public performances of music and art will be capped at $5. Fugazi will be in charge of enforcing this law.

7. Water fountains will now only shoot out coffee.

8. PBR will come only in 40 oz.

9. Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly will be encased in bronze and shot into space. Their egos will not survive.

10. The faces of Mount Rushmore will be changed to the Blue Man Group.

11. A shrine, aka the Lincoln Monument and the Jefferson Monument, shall be changed to George Carlin and Patton Oswalt Monuments. Respectively.


Anyone who objects to the new laws of RADicalism will be placed into camps where they will be fed well and forced to listen to Black Flag until they get how badass we are as Supreme Rulerz.

Got an Amendment? Add it.

Dear US Men's National Team

Alright guys, are you guys all listening? You've had yourselves one crazy summer so far and now that its coming to an end, I'd thought you'd like to hear how a bunch of drunk punk rockers from Albuquerque feel about it. You beat Mexico, lost to Costa Rica, and then had to come back against Honduras before we all took a trip to South Africa.

Holy shit, right? I thought you guys stood a good chance against Italy in the first half before everything broke down at the beginning of the second half. (BTW, FUCK YOU, Giuseppe Rossi! You were born in America, asshole. DPD has you marked as a dead man.) But that game against Brazil, dudes. Ouch. Its excusable to lose 3-0 to Brazil, but you have to go out and try to win the game. DaMarcus Beasley, you done fucked up. Here, lets watch how you gift Brazil on their second goal.



You're too old now, man. Make room for better, younger players.

Then came the 3 best games I have see the US Team play since the 2002 World Cup. You beat the pants off of an Egypt team that had been on a roll. I mean, the beat Italy the game before. Fuck! Great job! Then you upset the top team in the world. Spain hadn't lost in 35 games. That includes victories over Germany in the Euro 2008 Final. Shit yeah! Awesome, bra! You guys worked your ass off to get us to the first FIFA Final the US Mens team has ever been in. EVER. Sick. If we lived anywhere else, we'd of all flipped cars and burned everything down in celebration. As it was, we had to deal with that dipshit Jim Rome talking about how no one cares. Death to America.

In that final rematch, you guys made DPD proud. It was heartbreaking to see that final Goal by Lucio. And Clint Dempsey, we all teared up with you as you accepted the Bronze Boat for being the 3rd best player in the Tourny. You rule, man. Keep scoring big goals against Chelsea and you might win the Most Valuable Dude trophy at the end of the year. Great job guys.

I would talk about the Gold Cup, but who gives a shit. Aside from Stuart Holden, the US B and C teams looked pretty weak. Enjoy the win Mexico, because they're coming back for ya with the big dawgs. w00f w00f.

August 12th, in Mexico City at Azteca Stadium, Mexico will finally lose to the USA in Mexico. I'm viewing the performance of the US team in this game as the measuring stick for how far the US has come this summer. Are we still going to be unoraganize and pathetic for the first 15 minutes of each half? Are we still going to play like a bunch of 10 year olds that just got dropped off by their mom at practice when they play outside the US? Hopefully, you've all matured enough as a team and individual players to make all of us at Dudes Punching Dudes proud. Kick some ass, dudes.

-
CeejEnjine

Jump Off Rocks into Cold as Fuck Water

The last two days have involved DPD trips to Santa Rosa, NM to get my stupidly awesome RV. I wish I had a grandma in Santa Rosa. It's such an ill little New Mexican town. Its also home to my favorite place in NM, The Blue Hole. You can read the wikipedia entry on it, or you can just know that its a deep as shit hole in the ground with some cold as fuck water in it. You jump off of rocks into it. It's the only way.

Point being, we have a fuckin RV and a Blue Hole 2 hours away. Sign up for our next outing to The Blue Hole today! We're going on Thursday.

Here's some pictures, fuckers.

The view from the "David Maron Memorial Jump"

Fat kid approved! What are you waiting for? Sign up today!

In an Age Without Heroes...

Its good to know we still got Bowie.

What the fuck is punk rock?

Ok, so a friend got wasted. He ran around and punched dudes like we all did. Why does the youngest out of us gotta be taken aside and yelled at? Come on. Everyone that faults an Armani for the short show at a Taylair is a fool. A fool and half, I say. We all had a great time and I still am mind boggled by why a dude would stop playing, point out a dude who was moshing at a punk rock show in a small space and make him feel like he was fucking up. THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA! Lets make punk rock shows an elitist thing! Lets all act like Ian fucking Biggly and his crew of moshbots! Srrsly, lets all point fingers at friends we've known for an age and make them feel awful for getting slightly more drunk than you were.



CeejEngine, Armani Punk Rock Coalition.