Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Revolution will not be Punch Free

Things that will change when we're in charge...

1. Everyone who makes more money than a teacher will be forced to wear a dinosaur costume to work with the following exceptions- soccer and hockey players. The idea of people playing every other sport dressed as a Big Foot or Sharp Tooth is too awesome.

2. A new national anthem will be written and preformed by the Wu-Tang Clan. It will be nothing to fuck with.

3. The budget will be rearranged so that the amount we spend on the military will be switched with how much the US National Soccer Team gets.

4. Public Transportation will now consist of a hybrid bus/tank that is allowed to run over all cars on the road. It will be free and have a bike rack.

5. Dance parties will be outlawed.

6. The price of all public performances of music and art will be capped at $5. Fugazi will be in charge of enforcing this law.

7. Water fountains will now only shoot out coffee.

8. PBR will come only in 40 oz.

9. Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly will be encased in bronze and shot into space. Their egos will not survive.

10. The faces of Mount Rushmore will be changed to the Blue Man Group.

11. A shrine, aka the Lincoln Monument and the Jefferson Monument, shall be changed to George Carlin and Patton Oswalt Monuments. Respectively.

Anyone who objects to the new laws of RADicalism will be placed into camps where they will be fed well and forced to listen to Black Flag until they get how badass we are as Supreme Rulerz.

Got an Amendment? Add it.